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While some are upfront, others don’t say anything until they really have to, which is normally around the time when you’re wanting things to progress or looking for some clarification.

After a date or few, you sleep together and feel like there’s an amazing ‘connection’.

Over the coming weeks and months you notice a pattern – after loads of calls/texts/emails and off the chains sex initially, it’s slipped into a territory where you don’t really know where you stand. One night, lying there in the afterglow of another good ‘seeing to’, you tentatively ask what the score is, or mention a forthcoming event that you’d like them to come to with you.

You want to progress things and there is a niggling concern that they’re using you for sex, although you really don’t want to see it this way.

Every time these thoughts creep in, you remind yourself of when you were laughing a few weeks ago, or when you they talked about stuff they’d like to do with you (but have made no moves to), or when they said that they really enjoy your company.

It is actually pretty ridiculous that someone who for instance, would have the cheek to tell you that they’re not interested in you, would see fit to exchange bodily fluids and ask you to engage in all sorts of sexual acts, when they could just skip on down the road to someone who they were interested in and leave you to put your time, energy and er, your bodily fluids elsewhere.

Unfortunately, there’s actually more than a few people out there who like the idea of sleeping with someone who seems crazy about them and believes that the relationship is going somewhere – like an effed up power trip.

It’s not cute, it’s not cool, and it’s actually disrespectful, but it is all the more reason why you shouldn’t use sexual involvement as a barometer for the relationship you want or what you feel someone’s feelings are.

It also doesn’t matter if you want more; if they don’t and you continue to sleep with them, they assume you are on their terms.

On the whole not wanting a relationship but still sleeping with you and even hanging out and appearing to be dating you, this can be a serious mind eff.

It looks like a relationship and in your mind, feels like a relationship, but it has the hallmarks, not the landmarks of a relationship (commitment, progression, balance, intimacy, and consistency, plus shared values, love, care, trust, and respect), so it’s actually casual .

Like you’re helpless to a shag machine and that you don’t have any say in what does and doesn’t happen and like you don’t need to read any hints because there’s nudity involved.

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