my dating site - Invalidating your spouse

Validation is a way of communicating that the relationship is important and solid even when you disagree on issues.

One of the four options we have in any problem situation is acceptance.

Validation is one way that we communicate acceptance of ourselves and others. When your best friend or a family member makes a decision that you really don't think is wise, validation is a way of supporting them and strengthening the relationship while maintaining a different opinion.

To do this, practice the art of non-defensive listening and focus on being curious about your partner’s feelings. When you listen for your partner’s feelings with your whole being, it becomes a lot easier to understand their perspective. To attune to your partner requires the ability to experience their feelings on such a level that that you almost become your partner.

“Empathy lies in our ability to be [fully] present.” – Marshall Rosenberg 2. It’s easy to get swept away in the facts of what happened during the heat of a conflict discussion. They argue over who is “right,” and yet both views are valid. I related to the visual Brené Brown paints of a hurt partner being down in a dark hole, because I know when I am feeling sad or upset, I feel like I’m alone in a pit of pain. Empathy is so deeply connecting that it’s physical.

Knowing the six levels of validation as identified by Marsha Linehan, Ph. Being present for yourself means acknowledging your internal experience and sitting with it rather than "running away" from it, avoiding it, or pushing it away. Even happiness or excitement can feel uncomfortable at times.

Often one of the reasons other people are uncomfortable with intense emotion is that they don't know what to say.

Judgment of your partner’s experience is an attempt to protect yourself.

To empathize with your partner at a level that creates healing and brings you closer demands your full focus on your partner’s message.

As the listener in the State of the Union meeting, empathizing will be difficult. Empathy is only possible when you have removed all preconceived ideas and judgments about your partner’s feelings and needs.

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