Dating a man with children

Here are eight things you need to consider when dating an older man.

There are actually two things to consider here – his children, and your potential children. As a man gets older, it becomes increasingly likely that he will have fathered some children along the way.

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As I sat with my closest girlfriends on our routine girls’ night out (GNO) one Saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed.

Prior to our meeting, I had mentioned that I had some news to share.

As I sat with my closest girlfriends on our routine girls’ night out (GNO) one Saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed. Alas, I admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. Obviously, there are several issues to deal with when someone has a child. Do you think you’ll get jealous when you have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because you’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of a child? trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping his ‘woman’ comfortable.

Prior to our meeting, I had mentioned that I had some news to share. I have learnt through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. Yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. Will your plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with the child or because of a situation with the other parent? Can your significant other manage any possible drama? And let’s be real, what about feeling secure about your relationship when you see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit?

Bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to you meeting the child or children, and having to build a relationship with them, not to mention gaining their trust as well. Naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out.

Now it may seem rather funny, but I’ll admit that I was highly nervous the first time I met my guy’s child. In this type of relationship, things can also become even more complicated than they already are, so communication is key.

You might be fine with this, but it’s important to consider carefully. The last thing you should do is enter the relationship thinking ‘I’ll change his mind’ – you most probably won’t and it’s a huge gamble.

Most importantly talk everything through; these aren’t issues that are just going to go away.

In my case, we haven’t really had any tension thus far. there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. Coming to terms with it depends on what the single (and childless) individual is willing to accept, all in the name of love and finding ‘the one’. something even more special is added to the relationship, as the guy would have to trust you to take such a big step in introducing you to his prized possession, and it’s often a good sign that he takes you seriously.

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